Brent and I have gotten in a massive fight. I don't know what to do with myself. He doesn't return my phone calls, he won't return my texts, he didn't say anything to me about what was going to happen. If I could go back to the fight, I would take it all back. I would tell him he was right, and he was perfect, and that he was amazing. Has anyone invented a time machine yet?
My parents know that I'm pregnant now though. They heard Brent and I yelling about it. They won't even look at me. They avoid me like the plague, like if they go near me, they'll catch a disease. It doesn't surprise me, I was expecting the rejection. What does surprise me, is how much the rejection hurts.
They're supposed to be my parents. They're supposed to love me unconditionally, but here they are, avoiding me like I'm a disease. I feel so ashamed of myself. I should have known better than to think that my life could actualy get better. I didn't deserve Brent. I don't deserve this baby. I don't deserve anything right now.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Snow
I loathe the cold. Weird considering I live in a cold area, and I was born in colder months, but despite these things, I hate the snow. The only time I do enjoy it, is when I'm snowboarding or skiing, and with my being pregnant, that is out of the question this season, which dissappoints me a little, but I'm getting something so much better once summer comes, a new baby.
Hunter is teething molars, and I feel so horrible for him. Yesterday was the absolute worst he's been about it in a while. He was crying almost all day, and it hurt me to hear him in so much pain. He's feeling so much better today though, back to his smiling, food throwing self, hahaha.
This little belly bean is sure giving me a run for my money! He's making me get so sick all of the time, and I have a constant low grade fever. I don't particularly mind the fever at this point in time. It's keeping me nice and toasty warm. I'm still craving candy, and I'm still giving in to those cravings. I can't help myself! Another weird note about this pregnancy, I'm actually crazing alcohol. I haven't givin in to those cravings, even though I really want to, haha.
Hunter is teething molars, and I feel so horrible for him. Yesterday was the absolute worst he's been about it in a while. He was crying almost all day, and it hurt me to hear him in so much pain. He's feeling so much better today though, back to his smiling, food throwing self, hahaha.
This little belly bean is sure giving me a run for my money! He's making me get so sick all of the time, and I have a constant low grade fever. I don't particularly mind the fever at this point in time. It's keeping me nice and toasty warm. I'm still craving candy, and I'm still giving in to those cravings. I can't help myself! Another weird note about this pregnancy, I'm actually crazing alcohol. I haven't givin in to those cravings, even though I really want to, haha.
Friday, November 21, 2008
The First Post
Today is my 20th birthday. I don't feel any different than I did yesterday, and I'm sure I'll still feel the same tomorrow. Nothing has changed since yesterday. I still have a son, Hunter, my world. I'm still dating my best friend, Brent. I am still pregnant with my second baby. The only thing that has changed, is the number that represtents how long ago I was born.
People frowned upon me when I would tell them that I was 19 years old, and I had a son. Will that change now that I'm 20? Will people stop looking at me like I'm a blight on society now that I'm "old enough" to have children? No, they won't. People are predictable. Most people know how to count, and they will know soon enough that I was a teen mother. I am a teen mother.
My second is due this coming July, and I couldn't be more scared. I know it's going to be hard, but that doesn't mean that, just because I'm young, that I can't do it. There are plenty of older mothers who are worse parents than myself, so who are they to judge? I may not be in the greatest of situations, unmarried, young, and yes, still living with my parents, but I will love this child and give it everything it needs and deserves in life, and so much more than that.
I'm getting sick all the time, and I'm surprised my parents haven't confronted my about it. Maybe they're trying to avoid the fact that their youngest daughter, is pregnant yet again. I dissappointed them when I got pregnant with Hunter. I was supposed to be the good child, the one who always knew when to say know, and when to stop. I was supposed to make something of myself. What they don't realize right now, is that I'm making myself the best person I can be, a mother.
I've never blogged before. I never felt like I needed to say anything. What surprises me is that I do. I have tons of things to say, but I can't put any of them into words. I can't express them through a keyboard, or even in words. It's something you need to experiance yourself, something you need to live through.
People frowned upon me when I would tell them that I was 19 years old, and I had a son. Will that change now that I'm 20? Will people stop looking at me like I'm a blight on society now that I'm "old enough" to have children? No, they won't. People are predictable. Most people know how to count, and they will know soon enough that I was a teen mother. I am a teen mother.
My second is due this coming July, and I couldn't be more scared. I know it's going to be hard, but that doesn't mean that, just because I'm young, that I can't do it. There are plenty of older mothers who are worse parents than myself, so who are they to judge? I may not be in the greatest of situations, unmarried, young, and yes, still living with my parents, but I will love this child and give it everything it needs and deserves in life, and so much more than that.
I'm getting sick all the time, and I'm surprised my parents haven't confronted my about it. Maybe they're trying to avoid the fact that their youngest daughter, is pregnant yet again. I dissappointed them when I got pregnant with Hunter. I was supposed to be the good child, the one who always knew when to say know, and when to stop. I was supposed to make something of myself. What they don't realize right now, is that I'm making myself the best person I can be, a mother.
I've never blogged before. I never felt like I needed to say anything. What surprises me is that I do. I have tons of things to say, but I can't put any of them into words. I can't express them through a keyboard, or even in words. It's something you need to experiance yourself, something you need to live through.
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